You’re Trying to Say the Right Thing, Do the Right Thing…

Originally aired on Soul Deep Dig Podcast ⬅️ Listen Here
Ep 040 September 18, 2025
The following is an automated transcript from the podcast, made into blog form. Enjoy!

You’re trying. You read the books on marriage and parenting. You practice the scripts. You follow the tips. You say the words and you even mean them. But it still doesn’t work.

Why isn’t it working?

I’ve been there too. I did Law of Attraction faithfully for fifteen years — gratitude lists, visioning, “acting as if.” I studied every parenting and relationship approach: gentle parenting, Love and Logic, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, NVC, communication strategies. I wanted to be a good partner, a good parent, a good leader. And I still wondered: Why can’t I do it?

The truth is, advice and scripts can only go so far. They’re helpful as a starting point — but they can’t touch the hidden patterns underneath.

The Trap of Performance

So much of what we’re taught is performative. Say these words. Follow these steps. Keep the vibe high. But performance is exhausting. It works for a while — until it doesn’t.

In deep relationships — with children, partners, friends, or in leadership — the cracks always show. Because beneath the words is what I call the tangle: the unconscious patterns you inherited, the anxiety humming under the surface, the resentment or self-doubt you never chose but carry anyway.

And no matter how sincere your words are, if your body and energy are tangled, the message won’t land.

Why Smart, Kind, Willing People Struggle

If you’ve been trying and it’s not working, it’s not because you’re lazy or broken. It’s not because you don’t know enough. It’s because the roots are deeper than words or mindset.

You can “act as if” and try to manifest rain. You can imagine the mud between your toes. But if, deep down, you’re still praying from drought, you’ll keep hitting the wall.

The same is true in parenting, marriage, and leadership: until you untangle what’s underneath, the performance can’t stick.

The Missing Piece

The hidden layer is your original self — what I call your True Core. Beneath the performance, beneath the patterns, there is a self that is calm, clear, worthy, and whole. When you begin to untangle and return to that place, you don’t have to “remember to be authentic” — you just are.

This isn’t instant or effortless. It takes work. But it’s possible. And it’s the only thing that makes advice, tips, and scripts actually work.

An Invitation

If you’re tired of trying everything and still wondering why it doesn’t work, it’s time to go deeper than performance.

👉 Join my Foundations Untangling Class — an 8-week journey to uncover the hidden patterns running your life and reclaim the clarity, calm, and connection you’ve been searching for. Enroll at askalora.com/school.