[Video] Set boundaries that feel better by saying this instead of “I don’t care”

Oooh, this is something I’ve been playing with for some weeks. Have you ever heard someone say “I don’t care” but it seemed like they cared? Or it felt like they were pushing against the thing? Or it just felt...icky?

Has that someone ever been you?

“I don’t care” comes from a well-meaning place. Picture the teenager experimenting with their own style and life. Someone says they don’t like their hair. “I don’t care." It’s good to not care whatever everyone else thinks. Caring what everyone else thinks of you is the number one cause of unhappiness.*

*I don’t really know if it’s the number one cause but it’s right up there with reaching into the bag and discovering you already ate the last cookie without realizing you ate the last cookie. Boo.

But if you have to close your heart, tamp down your energy, or push against the thing you don’t want, that hurts you right back. Usually the words “I don’t care” carry those types of feelings with it.

​But what if you can have the same result of great personal boundaries, healthy self-esteem, and an adequate response to someone’s criticism or choices that helps you instead of hinders you?

Try “I don’t mind” on for size.

“I don’t like your poem.”
“I don’t mind. I don’t mind. You don’t have to like what I create. In fact, there is no art that every single person will like. You are free to like what you like and I am happy to keep loving what I created.”

“You are making a horrible choice.”
”I don’t mind. I don’t mind that you think that. Maybe I am, but I don’t think so. I am trying my best, after all. And there is no choice in the world that everyone will agree with at the same time. You are free to not like mine and I am free to keep doing my best in making it.”

It’s a powerful way to live–to accept what someone is saying without pushing against it. Not to accept it as in to let it into your life, but to accept is as in accept that it is their opinion.

I don’t mind. I don’t mind. Unless you say that and you realize you DO MIND. In that case it’s time to process why you mind, and that’s all about you. You can grab a boogie board or a friend and figure it out without them. Unless you want to include the person in your discussion. I don’t mind.

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Want to hear me talk about this instead? I’m in my minivan again getting distracted by my hat. To watch, click here or check out the video below.