Oooh, this is something I’ve been playing with for some weeks. Have you ever heard someone say “I don’t care” but it seemed like they cared? Or it felt like they were pushing against the thing? Or it just felt...icky?
Has that someone ever been you?
“I don’t care” comes from a well-meaning place. Picture the teenager experimenting with their own style and life. Someone says they don’t like their hair. “I don’t care." It’s good to not care whatever everyone else thinks. Caring what everyone else thinks of you is the number one cause of unhappiness.*
*I don’t really know if it’s the number one cause but it’s right up there with reaching into the bag and discovering you already ate the last cookie without realizing you ate the last cookie. Boo.
But if you have to close your heart, tamp down your energy, or push against the thing you don’t want, that hurts you right back. Usually the words “I don’t care” carry those types of feelings with it.
But what if you can have the same result of great personal boundaries, healthy self-esteem, and an adequate response to someone’s criticism or choices that helps you instead of hinders you?
Try “I don’t mind” on for size.
“I don’t like your poem.”
“I don’t mind. I don’t mind. You don’t have to like what I create. In fact, there is no art that every single person will like. You are free to like what you like and I am happy to keep loving what I created.”
“You are making a horrible choice.”
”I don’t mind. I don’t mind that you think that. Maybe I am, but I don’t think so. I am trying my best, after all. And there is no choice in the world that everyone will agree with at the same time. You are free to not like mine and I am free to keep doing my best in making it.”
It’s a powerful way to live–to accept what someone is saying without pushing against it. Not to accept it as in to let it into your life, but to accept is as in accept that it is their opinion.
I don’t mind. I don’t mind. Unless you say that and you realize you DO MIND. In that case it’s time to process why you mind, and that’s all about you. You can grab a boogie board or a friend and figure it out without them. Unless you want to include the person in your discussion. I don’t mind.
Want to hear me talk about this instead? I’m in my minivan again getting distracted by my hat. To watch, click here or check out the video below.
If you don’t already know I’m a HUGE fan of the boogie board. Now with many brands and options all over Amazon, I might have six of the originals in my house. Or more. The kid gets one and then where does he put it?!
But now they come in FULL SIZE and I got one for my birthday. That’s right, an entire page-size of writing whatever the heck I want and being able to POOF it away with the push of a button. No paper to shred or keep or put somewhere to shred or keep later in the huge, growing, towering, shred-or-keep file. Nothing on a hard drive or in the cloud. Just gone.
This is fantastic when you want to process why you are mad at someone. You can get it all out, reach your shifting point, feel the love again, and then, well, destroy the evidence.
It’s fantastic for working out decisions. Try a path, see how it feels, write a new path, get clear, hit the button, start over. No need to have to re-read every false start. (Unless you want to, in which case there is a Blackboard app in which you can capture the board’s screen and it turns it into black writing on a white background and saves it in folders of your choice. Excellent!)
And the best yet, it’s a fantastic tool for scripting. That’s when you write about what you want as if you already have it. While you script you get to feel the thing you want as if you already have it, which means during that time it’s zooming towards you. Plus you are creating active daydreams.
[Loud Echoey Voice] ACTIVE DAAAAAYDREEEAAMS
With enough positive-feeling scripting going on (even just 15 minutes a day) chances are when your mind wants to wander, instead of it wandering into something stressful to think about it just might wander into your scripted daydream which not only zooms what you want into your life but it FEELS GOOD.
Win win win.
So here is the link to the thingie. (Or you can find it on Amazon.)
And if you want to hear me talk about this in my winter hat while my doggie is rambling around in the minivan with me, click here or check out the video below.
You know I love my planners. I love writing. I love getting clear on things. And so when I found out even more how wording my To Do can make a huge difference in it actually getting done in an easy and awesome way.... you know I was excited.
Here is my little video on that. I could call these "Tips From The Minivan" because I'm in my van again. I have the phone in the non-professional vertical position because when I have it horizontal it never looks like I'm looking into the camera.
What are you REALLY wanting to get "done"? Ask that, write that down, and let the magic unfold.
A tool for feeling safe again when thinking of certain people.
(This article was originally published June 29, 2016 on an older blog of mine. I just re-discovered it. Here you go!)
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