Blame, Shame, and the English Language

Originally aired on Soul Deep Dig Podcast ⬅️ Listen Here
Ep 039 September 16, 2025
The following is an automated transcript from the podcast, made into blog form. Enjoy!

Language is more than communication. It’s the lens through which we experience ourselves and the world.

For English speakers, that lens is uniquely tangled. English grammar does something unusual: it demands an agent. Every sentence asks, Who did it? Even when no one did.

• “I spilled the milk.”

• “You lost your phone.”

• “She broke the vase.”

This constant assignment of responsibility trains us from a young age to over-own mistakes. It pulls us into shame, even when accidents simply happen.

English Fuses Identity With Emotion

English doesn’t just assign blame — it also fuses emotions with identity.

• “I am sad.”

• “I am anxious.”

• “I am angry.”

Other languages soften this.

• Irish: Tá brón orm → “Sadness is on me.”

• Hindi: Mujhe pyaas lagi hai → “To me, thirst has attached.”

• Spanish: Tengo hambre → “I have hunger.”

Notice the difference? In those languages, emotions are passing states, not fixed identities. English, by contrast, teaches us to become the emotion.

The Hidden Cost of English Grammar

Over time, this shapes the inner life of English speakers:

• Blame → Everything feels like someone’s fault.

• Shame → Every emotion feels like who you are, not just what you’re experiencing.

This subtle programming can keep us stuck in cycles of self-criticism, defensiveness, and confusion about our True Core.

The Gift of English

And yet, the same grammar that tangles us can also empower us.

Because English is identity-based, affirmations land with unusual force:

• I am strong.

• I am free.

• I am worthy.

English also provides clarity and accountability in science, law, and leadership — areas where precision matters.

It’s a double-edged sword: English can trap us in I am broken — or free us with I am whole.

How to Loosen the Tangle

The first step is noticing. Once you see the pattern, you can begin to shift it.

Try these simple changes:

• Instead of “I am sad” → “I am experiencing sadness.”

• Instead of “I am a failure” → “That project didn’t go as planned.”

• Instead of “Are you mad?” → “Are you experiencing anger right now?”

• Instead of “I am loved” → “Love is reaching me.”

These small swaps create distance from blame and identity fusion — while still letting you use English affirmations when they empower you.

Freeing the Self Beneath the Words

Language is powerful, but it’s not the whole truth of who you are. Beneath the patterns of speech is a Self untouched by shame or blame.

When you notice how words have shaped you, you can also choose new words that open space, soften judgment, and let you live from your True Core.